After the cut is a repost from the old feral-rabbit blog. I gave the original blog the title 1970 because I couldn’t think of anything better. For me, at the time the post describes, was a period of transition. After the Dreamer, before the Joker (see Cast of Characters post). After giving up drugs, before doing a bit of opium. Just before the first time there were watchers while I was having sex. Just before my last x-some.
For Kelsey, also, this was a time of transition. She started 1970 in Florida, returned to Ohio where she had the daughter, and moved again to Toronto where her older brother lived and her younger sister was going to college.
I could write this as a strictly sequential narrative except I believe splitting the story into three layers, one following the other, provides the best idea of what occurred.
Near the beginning of the fall 1970 term I was in a friend’s dorm room. There were five of us, I remember, myself and four women. One of the women (I’ll call her Lisa) was being asked questions by the others and I just listened. She’d quit school and had adventures during the summer.
Lisa was very brief in answering questions about her experiences in porn films. She was totally at ease, the faces and voice of the other women showed they weren’t.
“I did whatever they told me to do,” she said with a smile. “I didn’t care.”
The woman who was showing the most shock was the person who first told me about the Story of O — “this weird book.” In a few weeks a lover would have sex with her while she was bound and she wouldn’t like it.
Eventually the questions got to why Lisa left. “Because they wanted me to do it with a horse,” she said. Now she was on campus looking for a place to stay for a while.
My memory of the conversation, what actually was said, is just those two sentences and I don’t think a whole lot more was said while I was there.
That evening Lisa appeared in our door room. On of the women and my roommate (and best friend) had made the arrangements.
I’m surprised she ended up in our room and can only guess there was an overriding reason she couldn’t have stayed in one of the women’s rooms. Or it might have been because we had a spare bed. We’d accumulated a hoard of mattresses so we had five if my memory is correct. I had one on the floor; my roommate had a multi-level triple bed.
When it was time to go to bed Lisa undressed. She had no purse or bag, just the clothes she was wearing — a flannel shirt, jeans and a pair of sneakers. No panties, no socks. Her body looked beautiful naked. She was tall and well-formed with highly placed large breasts and skin that looked soft to touch.
She slept on the upper tier on the triple bed, my roommate on the lower and me on my mattress on the floor. Either that night or the next she and my roommate rolled together and had sex. He said it was the easiest fuck he’d ever had — his words.
He was in the midst of breaking up with one woman who had dropped out and now lived in Jacksonville, across the state, and was beginning a relationship with another on campus. When Lisa moved in I’m not sure what these women thought of her.
My friend got stuff from the cafeteria for Lisa and she was unobtrusive. I don’t remember her being in the room much but she was a quiet person so maybe that’s why. I remember watching her, and I remember watching them fuck. She was quiet then too.
Eventually my friend told her she had to go. I’m not sure when that eventually was — two weeks?
The second layer:
My friend developed a chancre on his cock the size of a quarter. He thought it was syphilis but it wasn’t; instead, a milder STD easily treated with penicillin at the campus clinic. He was sure he’d gotten it from Lisa and he said she refused to be treated. There was a free clinic in town where this could easily be done, but she refused even to be tested.
Looking back I question if he’d gotten the STD from Lisa. Her history made her an obvious candidate, but I wonder if too obvious. He was still having sex with the old girlfriend when she came to visit.
It didn’t matter. My friend was angry at Lisa. He told me “not to have anything to do with her,” which was said with such force that it struck me as odd.
The third layer:
Lisa as a child had been in a car wreck. Not wearing a seat belt, her face had hit the windshield and was terribly scarred. The scars also covered the crown of her head and she had an odd twist of hair that stuck up from the gnarled skin.
I’m attracted to scars, especially facial scars. A boy in the fourth grade had a bicycle accident which had torn his cheek open, giving him a long sagging scar which was fascinating to me. A star athlete in high school he was busted after graduating for dealing and spent a year in the state’s hellhole penitentiary. When I talked to him afterwards he was subdued, as if his prison experiences had broken him.
My friend’s younger brother would do time in the same penitentiary a few years later.
I remember watching a college classmate’s wife as she dressed. She’d had a radical mastectomy leaving deep scars from the sutures surrounding a large area of shiny flesh. That wasn’t ugly.
Years later there was the long deep scar on the Beautiful Woman’s inner thigh from her groin halfway down her leg. She said she’d never wear a swimsuit again. Or the woman I knew with the shallow crater on her left cheek which fascinated me to no end.
But Lisa’s scars were so profound and the effect they’d had on her face was so terrible, at least to me, I had a hard time looking at her. My friend (as the old girlfriend described him to me recently — a kind and gentle man) didn’t seem to notice the scars at all.
So the last time she was in our room, Lisa and I were sitting and watching each other, not saying a word. She smiled, she did have a beautiful smile, and I realized she was as shy as I was. If I said the word, she’d be mine for however long I wanted her, but what I said was I was going to dinner.
I saw her leave campus a half hour later, walk toward the highway, just as she came to our room — dressed in the flannel shirt and jeans, wearing sneakers. And that was that.
Of course there are other layers, but those three should do for now.
