I used to believe that since I had been in a long term relationship that I could have a relationship with anyone because I had learned how a relationship works.

That was an overly simplistic view on how the world is. I tend to get along with people. One evening when the daughter’s birth father came to visit to watch her high school graduation we, my partner, he, and I, were talking about college. He said I was the one everybody liked. I’m not combative, am soft spoken. Over the years I’ve slowly learned to work to not get into dominance games with other males.

The problem is that being in a good relationship, where everything works smoothly, gave me the impression I could do this with anyone. The problem is that until this relationship I had a pisspoor track record in relationships. I hadn’t the slightest idea of what a relationship actually was. I was okay in the fucking department; I was miserable at paying attention along with a host of other faults. It was to easy to come to believe that success was entirely skill based.

In our society a relationship is initiated in the dating experience but I’m a total dating novice. I’m still not sure what a date is. My partner says we’ve been on a date and my response is always, that was a date? I’ve gone with women to dinner and such, but they invited me and paid the way. And I was thinking all the time we were just eating out.

I’m afraid that my idea of the perfect date is something like Six Days Seven Nights where Harrison Ford and Ann Heche crash land on a deserted island, there are arguments, there is strenuous activity, and so on. And there have to be pirates, of course.

The funny thing is that the only person where that type of experience has happened is with my partner. One of her comments about our being together is that we have the best adventures.

We have structured our lives so that life together is a daily adventure. There are moments where we look at each other and think it’s great to be able to share this with you.

There are very few people I could live this way with. One woman I loved said she could never live without an air conditioner. My partner and I have never lived in a house with an air conditioner. There was a period in our lives when we lived off the grid—no running water (which included no bathroom), no electricity, no phone, and so on. If anything, that experience brought us closer.

There are very few people willing to do that.

Another person—there was great sex. She was absolutely fearless about public, whatever. But we never talked. I am not sure if we tried, really tried, it would have ever worked. I’m afraid if we sat down and talked and talked, which is how the relationship with my partner began, not in bed, things would have blown up.

That’s the other thing. My partner and I mesh so well, complement each other. There’s a balance of interests. We constantly excite each other in our discussions.

In the end, there are very, very people I could do that with.

Our relationship began with intense friendship. When we had sex the first time my fear was that this was going to destroy that friendship. She says that what she was thinking was on top of everything else he knows how to fuck.

Not a bad way to take things the next step.